If you've landed here expecting some sort of pornography site, perhaps it's best to leave now. The title came to me after taking my afternoon blood test. I am presently being assessed for diabetes. Finger prick testing sounds so incidental, but it can become a pain and and leave you with continual sore fingers. The world may be enjoying a temporary reprieve from my guitar playing, but trying to remember where I last tested or getting the same hole twice has resulted in frustratingly sore fingers. Attempting to use the forearm to test has left me looking like a heroine addict.

I'm not fully aware yet why the condition has occurred, it could be genetic - as my mother was diabetic. Priceless gifts from parents, a food allergy from my dad and diabetes from mum.

The initial alarm was raised nearly two weeks ago when I woke up feeling pretty dreadful. A test for a suspected water infection revealed excess glucose. The NHS could not offer an immediate blood test or diagnosis. I will not roll over and take this lying down, so I purchased a home monitor and got started recording three times a day.

I could have had the condition for a lot longer. My pitiful performance on a White Water orientation course back in October may be linked. At the time I just put it down to exhaustion due to work, but with hindsight something was really wrong.

 In the same week suspected diabetes I got an offer to ride xxxkm in xxxhours. Yes, I have a place on The XXXXXXXX Bike Ride. I must enjoy pain! I'm currently awaiting medical advice on the ride before accepting and parting with the entry fee. Once given the all clear I will be looking for a charity to raise funds for, so any sensible suggestions greatly received.

In the meantime I've cut out the afternoon chocolate and reduced the liquid fruit intake. I'm out on the bike, but taking it easy - don't even bother comparing Strava segments. Mine are not going to achieve any trophies. Very few people know about the this at present (blog might change that) and I will not be retiring to my bath chair yet. My class of year 10 & 11s already think my chemistry lessons resemble Breaking Bad due to some of the off curriculum practicals we conduct and the number of times I have been blamed for fire alarms going off. However, if this diagnosis results in any stupid comments suggestions from the medics, the world is going to see and organic version of Breaking Bad meets Lance Armstrong. The knowledge is out there, just a matter of piecing it together.

I believe I am already two weeks ahead of the medics. I have been visiting a TCM practitioner and she has managed to drop my glucose levels from  23mmol/mmol to 11. This is just the beginning.

XXXXXXXX Name of ride and details removed - announcement to come later this year!